What is WAF?

 W.A.F. The oh-so-critical and ofttimes elusive Wife Acceptance Factor (or Wife Approval Factor). Just what is it and why you should care.

Men are from Mars and Women from Venus and all that. If you haven't noticed, men and women are different. We think and process things differently, have different opinions and priorities, and generally live life according to these differences. When couples live together, these traits can become very evident and even a source of contention.  They can also be harnessed to compliment one another, creating something that is greater than the sum of its parts.

WAF at its most basic level goes something like this: You are looking at purchasing some new speakers. You have 2 different models in mind, and each model comes in 3 colors. You run the idea past your wife. She really doesn't like the larger of the two but in the smaller set, she thinks that the white color would go best in the room. So that's the set that has the highest WAF. The WAF is often a light-hearted way for many to provide another fun spec to add to the list of their equipment. However, there is an important something-or-other at play here.

So what does this really have to do with audio & video? A lot. Speaking in broad terms, men are more interested in gadgets and gizmos (toys?) than women (I genuinely hope this is not news for you). As such, we are willing to spend more time and money engaged in and with activities surrounding things like cars, guns, outdoor grills, tvs, stereos, and on and on. These provide a way to do something that requires all our attention, or none of it at all. Things that can be done both solo and with our mates and buddies. These become our hobbies and are important for stress relief and can contribute a lot to how we extract enjoyment from life. For support and a refresher on some unique differences between men and women, please read this fine article here by Vanessa Van Edwards of ScienceofPoeple.com

Returning to the topic of A/V equipment….This is after all, a site dedicated to the tech that helps take the heck out of life by enjoying home theater and related A/V goodies. As we dream of and begin building a sweet home theater experience by purchasing and setting up high resolution TVs and projectors, installing a dozen or more speakers, and add streaming and gaming devices, we can be caught off guard when our significant other is not pleased, or on-board with our plans. So, where did we go wrong? Is it possible to truly find some solution that doesn’t feel like a compromise that leaves no one feeling happy?

In many cases, failure or success depends more on communication and empathy than it does with some technical solution or ingenious décor hack. Let’s cover some items that may just help to get things right.

Details vs the Big Picture - Men swim in the sea of single-minded details while women traverse the mountain tops of the big picture. Gadgets and gizmos are all about details. How often do you look at the specs when making a decision? What's the resolution of that tv or projector? What other formats does it support? How many inputs? How many channels does the receiver have? How many watts? How much horsepower and torque does that car have? These details separate items for us and help us define priorities and rankings. We meticulously analyze and compare these details. Many times men have tried to show or impress their wife with some of these facts and specs only to be reminded that it's not all that interesting or even important to her. What is important to her?  The bigger picture. The end result, the cohesion, the emotional impact, the why.

Most couples will be surprised that they actually want nearly the same thing, even when it comes to A/V in the home. Simply explaining how cool the equipment is that you want, or how many speakers it’ll require, will not help much. When deciding on adding A/V equipment or even the idea of a dedicated theater room, try and frame the idea in terms that matter more to her and why it's important. When discussing the idea, spend time to translate your excitement into the related categories that could do the same for her. For example, rather than trying to wow with details of specs, try and explain its emotional value. Let her know that you want to create a unique space where many wonderful memories will be created. That the creation of such a room allows you to feel that you are providing for and fulfilling a need to bond, between you and with the whole family, and even friends and guests. A room where you can enjoy the fruits of your labors for years to come. You can picture yourself enjoying a romantic comedy curled up on the couch together, cheering your favorite team on with your buddies, and even perhaps a place where your children’s friends can come over and feel welcome and can enjoy movies or games. These things matter to you both, and by helping her connect with what it is you're trying to accomplish can go a long way to laying a solid foundation.

Make it a Team Effort - Even if you are lucky enough to have a dedicated man-cave, a room where your wife has given you free reign, involving her will be of great benefit. She may have little interest in the details of the gadgets, but she is the person you love and let her know that. Let her know that what you are doing or what you want is important to you and because it's important and you love her, you value her opinion and would appreciate her help. She may not be interested in choosing between one model or another of a tv, receiver, or speaker due to their respective specs, but she will have opinions on other things. Cost will almost always be important, so be open and flexible in ways to set and work within a budget. She will also be concerned with how it all comes together. This is the perfect chance to combine both your skills sets and create something beautiful.

As you plan and begin to shop for equipment, take time to figure out what the overall picture or end result will look like. Establishing and agreeing upon the end result is critical. While you will most likely want to decide on which equipment and why, its placement, drilling, hanging, and installing it all, you’d like her help and input on how that will work on creating a unique space. This goes beyond basic décor or interior decorating skills. These are important, but more importantly, this can be a chance for you both to create something that is a reflection of your personalities and your relationship. Colors, decorations, fabrics, materials, are tricky enough to compare amongst themselves, but the cohesion and the emotion and the story it tells when it's altogether is that big-picture end result. For most men, this is where the women in our lives can come to the rescue. Enlist her help and skills. You’ll both end up with something you can be proud of, together.

Define Success - Differences of opinions and priorities will come up, guaranteed.  These should be seen more as opportunities rather than deal-killers. Most conflicts are resolved with solutions rather than compromises. That may not seem too earth-shattering a concept, but ponder it a bit more and it may reveal itself to be of greater worth. Compromises can lead to a temporary fix, where the issue may just resurface at a later time. A solution allows all to feel satisfaction and all should be the better for it. In project management, a poorly defined project scope almost always leads to failure, even if the project has been completed! That’s because no one feels they actually ended up with what it is they thought they were getting. Life goes the same way. The solution to that issue, is a well defined scope or statement that defines what a successful project will end up being. And, as with life, our plans hardly ever come out just the way we first imagined it. Flexibility, along with embracing and controlling change are the real heroes here. So, be sure and define early on what the end result will be. Can you explain back to each other what you are both imagining or thinking? And as time and the room takes shape, keep up that same effort and update the goals and expectations for you both.

The Feedback Loop - With a solid understanding of the big picture and the desired end results, your decision making should be influenced when choosing specific equipment. If you know what the room will look like in the end, it may influence color choices, or even narrowing down choices based on a budget. If you're not sure which to choose, that’s totally fine. Keep her in the loop. Save links and share them along with pictures. Allow her to voice her thoughts. Women like to talk things through more than men (surprise, surprise, I know). It's part of how they think and feel. It is the process by which they can consider many of the moving parts and how emotions play a role in the equation. Men often like to eliminate issues quickly based on clear cut criteria and dive in and fix it and move on. There will be plenty of opportunities to do just that as you choose and install your A/V gear. By slowing down a bit and allowing the chance for open healthy two-way communication you will end up with a better result. Even if in the end you made no choice different than you would have on your own, you have strengthened and validated your relationship and helped demonstrate your love and concern for one another. You’d end up with a result that is pleasing to you both. Patience is a key ingredient here. I am not talking about patience with your wife, but within the project itself. It takes surprisingly little time to have quality discussions during the planning and purchasing phases. The dialogue shared will be worth it in the end.

Please and Thank You - As a quick reminder, you are seeking the Wife Approval Factor. This is the person your dared hope would take a chance on you. You dated and courted and got to know each other over time. You probably even displayed some level of manners that wouldn’t totally let your mom down. Over time these allowed you to be comfortable around one another and to begin to develop a truly solid foundation of trust. Then one day you passed gas around one another and realized, if you’re at that level of comfort, you’ve got a keeper there. So, tracing back to those early days, use the classic ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ phrases that have stood the test of time.

Ask her for help and feedback. Use the word please when doing so. Express genuine gratitude by thanking her for her help and her opinions. You may even feel it necessary to ask her with pleases on being able to move forward with your thoughts and plans. These basic ideas, phrases, and sentiments will provide the grease in the gears of your A/V project.

Conclusion - Achieving a high WAF level when dealing with A/V gear and projects is a big deal. It leads to real satisfaction for you both. It’s combining the best of both worlds, of Mars and Venus. These gadgets and hobbies are important to you as a person, and as a person she’s probably the most important to you. There is no reason the two can’t be combined. The artful execution of mixing these two is success indeed. Whether it's simply the ‘okay’ of approval on the looks of a small bookshelf speaker, or the incredibly detailed, high cost, and execution of a dedicated theater room, the WAF is perhaps more important than all other details and specs.

Note - We understand that not all situations and living arrangements follow the examples above but, we are confident that our readers can adapt and apply these same principles within their own lives and situations.